Get Out: Escaping the Abuser in Chief

I love the movie “Get Out”. The very title is what we all scream in movies like this. How is it that we can see how dangerous things are but the main character can’t? Of course, the movie wouldn’t be much of a movie if the main character in Get Out did get the danger immediately and left the house as soon as he got there. But movies like this expect us to suspend disbelief. And we do, for the fun of it.

It’s harder to suspend disbelief in real life, even though we seem to be in the midst of such a moment for the past year or so. We look around and think, “this can’t be happening”. And so, we continue to live our lives as though it’s not. It’s our movie and we’re the stars. People in the future will look at our choices and scream “Get Out”. They’ll wonder why we couldn’t see it? They’ll stare in disbelief and none of them will claim watching our movie was fun.

Is some of our collective behavior that different from the plight of an abused spouse? The wife, usually, is beaten physically and psychically, demeaned day in and day out. And yet she stays. We are being psychically beaten day in and day out. We are insulted, lied to and have to stand by while others are called names. We are witnesses to boorish and outrageous behavior constantly. But we just “accept it” like many abused women do. We don’t get out. Just like chronically abused women, we feel powerless. Our abuser seems to have all the power over us and we feel ignored by others or told we’ve got it all wrong.

This leads us to the enablers. In one corner, we have those who voted for the Abuser in Chief. They tell us he’s wonderful and making things great again. They can’t imagine that he’s done anything wrong. What’s wrong with us, they ask? They’re like the husband’s friends who offer the same types of responses. It doesn’t matter if the wife sports a black eye. It must have been the wife’s fault either from an accident or for being a constant complainer. It’s as though we’re talking about two different men.

And then there’s the media. They report what the Abuser in Chief is doing to such an extent that it’s almost abusive itself. And they say things like, “if he were only to focus on infrastructure, he’d be more successful,” as though that would excuse all the pain and suffering we’re experiencing, all the lies and insults, the horrible policy and dysfunctional management. It doesn’t! They are like police who listen patiently to the wife’s complaints but don’t do anything. Or those who ask painful questions that make the victim feel it’s their fault.

Even sadder, we don’t get out because it would cost us something. We don’t leave the country because it’s OUR home. But we can’t get him or his enablers to leave, so what’s the point of sticking around? Then again, where would we go? It’s not that easy to pick up and leave. The wife is in the same boat. Where can she go? She doesn’t want to give up on her marriage. Who would want her anyway, she thinks. She needs the money just like we think we need the tax relief. She feels trapped. We feel trapped.

So, strangely, it makes sense that we stick around for another beating every day from the Abuser in Chief. The reasons cited above are logical and understandable. Even we, the abused, understand them. But we must not allow ourselves to. We have to stop understanding and start getting angry with purpose. We need to scream daily to ourselves and each other:

Get Out! He’s a racist!

Get Out! He’s a misogynist!

Get Out! He’s an Islamaphobe!

Get Out! He’s a pathological liar!

Get Out! He’s an egomaniacal self-congratulator!

Get Out! He’s a name-calling bully!

Get Out! He hates democracy and loves autocracy!

Get Out! He doesn’t love us, he doesn’t even like us!

Get Out! He will not change so we have to!!

Do what? We can’t do what the lead character does in the movie. Life isn’t a movie. We can’t kill someone and we can’t burn down the house. We have to take back our lives, our sanity and our country. We can’t get complacent. We can’t excuse it or rationalize it. We have to stay focused and ready to act. Here’s what we can do:

· Write your state or federal representative and threaten them with the loss of your support if they are enabling him in any way. Or, if they’re doing their job, write your representative and thank him or her if s/he is resisting this disabling of our democracy (thanking is as or more important than complaining — these good public servants need to know what they’re doing is appreciated so they’ll feel motivated to keep doing it).

· Turn off CNN and MSNBC unless they stop putting his name and face on the screen. He thrives on that kind of attention. Tell the media to treat him like a terrorist — don’t mention his name or show his face.

· Go to town meetings and make yourself heard or at least visible.

· Form or join political groups or support groups. We’re victims of abuse after all. Many of us are even showing signs of abuse. We need to vent but also find solace in knowing that there are fellow victims. It helps us feel we’re not alone, that we’re not crazy. But don’t just share misery. Use the therapy to plan together and do something. That’s even more therapeutic.

· Add your name to Tom Steyer’s petition to impeach if that’s your thing. Whether it’s the right decision or not, at least it puts pressure on the enablers to not be complicit in this democracy demolition — or they’ll be next.

· Commit to the long game. The pressure has to be sustained and is not just about this presidency. This is our job as citizens. An informed and active public is the insurance against the tyranny of a President or of a majority. For you originalists, that’s what Thomas Jefferson had in mind.

· Find multiple sources for your information. Get out of your echo chamber and don’t see people just by singular aspects of them. We are each more than that. We have to reunite as a country. Don’t disrespect anyone. Beware of confirmation bias.

· Appreciate being so lucky to live in this incredible country. Yes, democracy is being threatened. But we must be constructive and help each other maintain a positive attitude and keep energized. Pat your fellow American on the back. Thank your neighbor. Smile at people you don’t know … and you’ll provide light in the darkness.

We’re not Getting Out! We have to Get Up and Get Going! Do something. That’s the American way.